Life in my sketch book

I enjoy drawing.
I have a tendency to draw eyes quite a bit more than anything else.
I am attracted to the eyes, "the windows to the soul".
The fact of the matter is that most of our human expressions are more so focused around the eyes than any other feature of the face.
The furrow of a brow, the crows feet when smiling, and of course tears for whatever reason.
There are plenty more examples.
Eyes are what we look to for acceptance, and when someone looks away from us, we can feel dejected.
This is supposed to be about drawing...
I feel somewhat at a loss for inspiration when it comes to drawing. I want to improve and see my style change and grow. Though I am inspired often by the work of others it is also intimidating to draw after seeing something so well done and complete. I lack the same talent and this discourages me a bit. This isn't to say that it completely turns me from art but I just don't feel as inclined to draw when I cannot draw as someone else.
It's a tricky subject for me. I both do and do not care to draw like someone else. There are several professional artists I admire, and am inspired by and do take a few style directives from. I feel as though it is the less well known artists that I struggle with taking the same inspiration from, their talent seems raw and unaltered and though I know most of them took time to get where they are now. The end results I currently see are what becomes to me, a road block in my own creativity.
I'm probably not explaining this well.
This is more so written for me than anyone else however.

Ye Old Blog..

I realize I have been away for some time now.
So many things have changed and yet at the same time, it seems so few.
I've moved yet again. Only not across the country this time, but across the world.
I've started and continue to run my own little business, as well as have my own car.
I count my blessings, but blessings are noticed generally because they are a contrast to things not so wonderful.

I am away from my family and friends.
My husband is away for training for 6 month of which only 1 has since gone by.
I am alone for the most part.

Initially I looked forward to his leaving.
A time I could reevaluate myself, change my eating and living habits.
Starting new, but knowing I would have someone rooting me on, even if from a distance.
Seems I'm very good at making plans that have a tendency to fall through.
I am more depressed than ever. Though my life style habits have in fact changed, I feel no change in me apart from the deep seeded blackness in my gut continues to grow and I'm finding it more difficult to keep it from going out of control.
It is my thought that we all posses this little black seed, the seed of depression, sadness, jealousy, anger.
We allow this seed to grow the more attention we give it. At the same time the seed has thorny roots that dig into you, that cause you such pain it becomes impossible to pull out those roots. There are of course ways to seemingly trim the brush back and keep it at bay. However for a great many of us the task appears to great, we sit with our backs to seed, attempting to ignore it and it then envelopes us while we are unaware.

As things currently stand, I have a black vine snaking its way around inside me, wrapping around my heart, and my mind, making me bitter and cynical.
I find myself thinking back on happier times contemptuous and spiteful. Asking myself what happened, whats different, why am I so unhappy now, and how do I go back?
I of course realize there is no going back, I was as different then as I am now. I know I must move forward, but it feels as though I am trudging through the thickest of mud, my steps painfully slow and weighted.

I am both happy and unhappy with my life as a whole, and I am truly lost as far as where to go from here.
My black seed keeps growing, and I fear it will consume me.

On the Hunt

Well I've moved to Maryland finally, the wedding was absolutely incredible so many people to thank still for it.
We've started looking for our own place, its been just about a week since we've started looking. There's a place that I really like its close to the freeway so that Eric can get to work easily. And it's quite nice as far as layout and whatnot.
There's a place in town that Eric really likes, but the bedroom is odd and quite small. It's all stressful and we have a few more places to look before we're all done. I'm hoping that we can find an affordable place that doesn't totally suck and isn't out in the boons.
OH AWESOME APARTMENT WHERE CAN YOU BE!?!??!
And now to walk to Target! ;D

Total Change.

Although technically we were married in October, we are still considered "engaged". We get the 'Big Day' December 30 which is coming up fast. Most of the preparations have been completed, but there are still several stresses. Foods, favors, decorations, the devil is forever in the details. My family has been completely wonderful and I am incredibly grateful for them! My mother, grandmother and aunts have all helped so very much. I don't know if I'll ever be able to express just how much I appreciate them.

I'm starting a whole new life, in an entirely new place with my husband. He's been in Maryland over a year and a half already (due to his work) and I've visited. I'm extremely excited to move to the East! From one coast to the other. I enjoy travel quite a bit, even the 7 hr flight isn't completely terrible, when flying across the country. Huzzah perspective! Our Nation is freaking huge and looks amazingly different from cruising altitude. I look forward to visiting my family after I move. I love my family, but there comes a time (if you know what I mean).

There's still a million things running through my mind. My husband flies home Sunday, I haven't seen him since we got married in October. To say I'm excited is an understatement entirely! Can't wait to smother my man in hugs and kisses! Can't wait for the moment when he sees me in my wedding dress.
Total Change, and I simply cannot wait.

AND listen to this!

Please...tell me you didn't?

Have you ever had an awkward moment with the person seated next to you?
Did you at least know this person or was it a stranger?
I'm hear with an important reminder about stranger danger. And that in some cases, it is better to stand than to sit in the only seat left on a crowded bus.
God may have been trying to teach me a lesson today and sadly I ignored it.
When on a packed bus, desperately searching for a seat I spotted one near the middle next to a nice older lady.(white hair, rosy cheeks, poorly applied lipstick and all)
On a side note, all nice looking old ladies are like decepticons and not to be trusted!!!
Continuing with my story.
I took the seat, smiling politely like my mother taught me. The woman returned the smile, wrinkle-y eyes hardly open. And that's when I understood why no one was sitting directly next to her.
Do you ever notice how much more tolerable an atrocious smell is when you're not exposed directly to it, or in this case seated right next to it?
I do believe this was a senior citizen, that used 'adult diapers' or at least I sincerely hope she was wearing something along those lines.
And because I feel I should share the horrifying fact with everyone...said kind, sweet looking decepticon old lady began releasing some awful sounding 'squishy' farts.
Now if you're anything like me, you've started silently gagging, your eyes are beginning to tear up and you want to die. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!
Seeing as before I could escape, the entire isle filled with angry travelers. I looked up desperately to the man towering over me in his cowboy hat.
"Would you like to take my seat sir?" Followed by the epically timed decepticon mass destruction, end of the world, seat shaking poot...yes, I said poot.
Wide-eyed Señor in the cowboy hat, silently shook his head 'no' and turned away in shame filled horror.
I swear! No one got off that damn bus, I sat and suffered practically the whole way to school.
And although I had wished to douse the insanely gaseous lady with body spray and offer her my cell phone so that she may call 911 because I wasn't entirely sure if she was about to die or what.
The smell was beyond terrible, I'm quite certain that more than 1 other person could smell it, considering that all the windows were open.
May God have mercy on the next person to make the same mistake that I did. A lot of mercy.

Hmmm, Good Question.

I own a rather large set of headphones, the fashionably huge headphones only I got mine for like $8.

These are the headphones I'll regularly wear on the bus, with a freakishly long cord wrapped multiple times around my poor beat up Ipod. I pretty much always pair these bad boys up with a sweet set of sunglasses. 

I find it gives me a "hey don't mess with me" quality. People avoid sitting to closely, don't make eye contact all that good stuff.

Standing at the bus stop one evening, headphones, sunglasses, general disgruntled/angst-y look plastered on my face, I pull out my cell phone to check the time. It's around 5:34, the bus is supposed to be at the stop already, there's a crowd of people surrounding the pole that marks the 306's designated pick up area.

'It must me that crazy lady bus driver' I think to myself Quite frankly there is only one bus driver who is consistently late, its always the same lady. But that's besides the point.

I'm standing somewhat near the center of the herd, I've slid my phone back into my pocket, bobbing my head to the music(which is cranked all the way) the lady in front of me wheels around, looks at me and her lips start moving. I have no idea what she's saying, or if she's even talking to me I can't read lips or minds for pete sake!

I slide my headphones off my head, and let them rest around my neck. "I'm sorry?" I say.

"Do you have the time?" She looks like such an innocent old lady but she's not. 

Because after just looking at my phone, I can't recall the time. I attempt to get my phone safely out of my pocket and don't quite manage, dropping it on the ground. In a crowd of people I try to pick it up without bumping into anyone....didn't quite manage that one either. 

I finally have my phone in hand, I've checked the clock ready to help this poor lady with no sense of time. And what do I see before my very eyes?

The very same woman, got her very own cell phone out of her 10 ft sq. purse and is texting away...

I make angry eyes behind my sunglasses, replace my headphones mumbling to myself "5:42, stinkin' make me drop my phone, frick a' frakin lady"

Later on the bus I may or may not have blurted out 

"Why do you ask the only person in a crowd with headphones on, for the time?!!?"

There are just some things I don't understand.

This always happens...

I get on the bus. I pretty much always manage to seat myself in one of the far back corners of the bus, the side without sun if preferable. On a day when I'm feeling wise, I'll plan ahead and bring a book or perhaps my Ipod to make the time go by just a tad faster. It's 40 minutes of my life might as well read a book or have a jam session in my head right?

But of course there are those times when I'm in a rush, because I've slept in and lazed about the house until my mother takes me down to the bus stop, and I've forgotten any source of entertainment.
I'm guilty of people watching...I do it all the time. Although I have to say, some of the people that ride the bus are choice material for just such a spectator sport. (It should be a sport.) Anyways!
On a bright Southern California day, I was on a bus out in Oceanside. I'm seated dead center at the back of the bus, seeing as my usual seats are taken, one(to my left), an old man sneakily eating a piece of Church's chicken and I mean he's really being sneaky! He's looking with shifty eyes all about the bus, looks toward the window hunches over the box, pulls out a chicken leg, takes two nibble-y bites shoves his whole hand into the box. And repeats this, until his meal is consumed, then eases his box and bag out the window(which don't open all the way mind you).

It gets better.

On my right, is a pretty ticked off looking gangster/Vato with spaghetti noodle arms, socks up to his knees and his "traditional" Dickie shorts riding low.  His phones blowing up every five seconds or so with text messages, and then he gets a call epic gangster rap ring tone is going on, proving how much of a badass he really is. "eh-low" he says. I can hear his other half chewing him out in broken English and Spanish. Something along the lines of he slept with this person's "hermana"(sister) and now he's going to get shanked if he ever shows up at "Czars' casa'(the dude's house) of course I have no idea if that's the true story.
Sadly 'Pablo' or so I shall call the unknown person, soon got off the bus and I took his seat.
Oh but there's more.
If you've ever been to Oceanside there is a particular individual that's incredibly hard to miss should you see them on the streets.
He is an elderly gentleman, can often be spotted at the thrift stores on the main strip, here's the kicker. He likes to dress in animal print, mainly leopard, such prints can be found on his lovely skin tight leggings, or maybe his jazzersize leotard? Better yet his pimp can and matching shades? However, his coral lipstick made his pink sequin hat clash a bit.
I honestly can't say I know what this guy was thinking when he woke up that morning. And rumor has it that he's homeless. I have no clue.  All I can say is every time he and I are on the same bus, he makes some effort to sit near me, as in he will get up and move a seat closer if he can....internal thoughts register somewhere near the "OMG PLEASE DON'T KILL ME" area and the "IF YOU  TOUCH ME, YOU WILL DIE" zone.

On the bus, its always and interesting ride.

My Life on the Bus.

I'm Kitty, I'm a college student.

I commute almost every day to and from school via public transportation.

I take a bus that only runs every hour, from my small town of residence to the transit center (roughly a 40 minute ride), I wait between 10-15 minutes for the Sprinter which is basically a slow train, that gets me to school another 20ish minutes later.

In the time I've been taking this chaotic system of to and from, some very interesting things have happened to say the least.

These are my adventures, with the other crazy people commuting to or from where ever they were or are going to.